Saturday, December 31, 2011

The End?

(Originally posted on 4/19/10)

How did we get here?
Where did you go?
I know you’re here with me
But I’ve never felt so completely alone.
I want to tell you everything
But I can’t think of the words to say
So I just casually smile
When you glance my way

And we turn on the TV
And fade into nothing
Act like we’re living
But feel absolutely nothing.

This has to end
One of us needs to move
I can’t pretend
And neither can you
This isn’t life
And I think I want out
To find some real love
Which I know nothing about.
I want something
I know nothing about.

Verse 2:
I don’t want to yell
But we just fight
Wish I could talk to you
But it never feels like the time is right
So instead of figuring it out
We go through the motions of love
We might sleep together
But never really touch

This house is not a home
This family’s not alive
Let’s stop this bleeding
Do more than just survive.

(Repeat Chorus)
I don’t want to give up
But I don’t know what to do
We’ve broken so many promises
But I still love you
I still love you
But…(Repeat Chorus)

One of us has to leave.
Or maybe we’ll try….

- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I wrote the lyrics to this song one night after a long week listening to several people I care about, friends and family, struggling with relationships. At first glance, it's a song about one spouse thinking about leaving a broken marriage...and family. That is certainly the frame I wrapped the story in. Specifically, I envisioned a husband and wife watching TV on separate couches, while their kids run in and out of the room. The husband glances around and realizes the emptiness and distance in the room. The song lyrics articulate the battle in his head.

But that's not the soul of what the story is trying to say. I wanted to articulate the silence that so many relationships endure. The wanting to share, but the inability to form the words. The desperate loneliness that someone can have while being surrounded by people. I see it every day; relationships that have become something less than alive, more like "arrangements" than families. We let time build up between us, full of words unspoken, bitterness left to grow and hurts unattended. To me the saddest part of these lyrics is the fact that he wants so much to reach out and tell her everything. But, he doesn't. A great book that I reference often is called "Boys in Crisis". It speaks to the fact that many boys (and girls) lack the emotional language to articulate their anger and frustration. So, they act out or become silent. They truly don't have the tools to connect. They haven't seen many healthy relationships. I think that describes a lot of us. Are you there?

I've certainly not mastered this. I've let relationships fall apart because I was too afraid or stubborn to say something. How many lifelong friendships have ended because someone won't apologize...or forgive? How many sons or daughters grow up without fathers because it was easier for someone to run rather than face mistakes? How many wives live in quiet desperation, needing more but accepting less? How many husbands look to other women to make them feel something, anything. I think it's more than we imagine. A few lines in a song called "Slow Fade" sum this up well: "Daddies don't fall apart in a day. Families never fall apart in a day. It's a slow fade."

So, my hope is that someone reads this, or hears the song and makes a move. Not to leave, but to move in closer. To open up and speak. Not just some casual conversation, but words that represent his/her need. We all need to connect. We all need to be understood. We all need. But instead of risking ourselves, we fill our voids with everything but what we really, truly need. We need love. Let's face it. You can't find that alone.

Take time today to connect with your friends, family, neighbors, wife, husband and kids. What you will probably find is that they were waiting for someone to make that move. My hope is that the last line of the song will be your choice if you're on the edge of giving up: "..maybe we'll try"

That's all we can really do.

Take care of yourself,


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